21st Memorial Dharma Meeting in Remembrance of Ven. Seoam’s Passing; A Meeting with the Assistant High Commissioner of UNHCR

April 5, 2024

Hello! This morning, Ven. Pomnyun Sunim attended a memorial Dharma meeting commemorating the 21st anniversary of Ven. Seoam’s passing. Later in the afternoon, he met with the Assistant High Commissioner for Operations at the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees (UNHCR) and his team to discuss the issue of Rohingya refugees.

After morning practice and meditation, Sunim left Dubuk Jungto Retreat Center for Mungyeong at 6am. On the way, he made a brief stop at Gaeun Elementary School, which was being used as a polling station for early voting, to cast his ballot for the 22nd parliamentary election.

Sunim arrived at Seonyudong Training and Education Center in Mungyeong at 8:10am. 

Sick sangha members are currently staying at the training and education center for treatment and recuperation. Sunim donated some money to help them purchase organic food to aid their recovery. 

“Please use this money to buy whatever food you need.”

They served Sunim a glass of vegetable juice and a cup of magnolia tea.

“We have these every day. Sunim, please try some.”

While drinking the vegetable juice, Sunim encouraged them with his words;

“Don’t worry too much. I actually know a woman who was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given only a short time to live 20 years ago. I met her yesterday, and she was alive and well. She mentioned that she had stashed some money to donate to me when she passed away, but she hasn’t been able to do so yet. (Sunim laughed)

“It’s all right, even if you don’t fully recover. What matters most is staying alive. How about writing a book about diet and lifestyle strategies for surviving cancer?”

“Yes, Sunim. I’ll go through treatment with a peaceful mindset and stay well.”

After offering consolation, Sunim made his way to Mungyeong Jungto Retreat Center.

Upon arrival at the retreat center, Sunim sought out Ven. Jahaeng Sunim to offer greetings. Jahaeing Sunim’s health has been deteriorating since she reached the age of 95.

“Sunim, how are you doing? Lately, I’ve just been eating and not much else.”

Pomnyun Sunim warmly held Jahaeng Sunim’s hands and handed her some spending money. 

“That’s all you need to do. Please stay healthy until your last breath. That’s the best thing. You have to be careful because your body might not keep up even if you feel young at heart.”

Jahaeng Sunim was very happy to see Pomnyun Sunim. 

Sunim departed from Mungyeong Jungto Retreat Center and reached Bongamsa Temple around 9:30am. Sunim decided to pay his respects at Ven. Seoam Sunim’s stupa first. Before entering the temple grounds, Sunim followed the winding road on the right until reaching the serene area where the stupa and the memorial stone stand.

Ven. Seoam Sunim lived a life of exemplary simplicity, guiding Jungto Society to practice authentic Buddhism by teaching that a pure mind embodies Buddhism. Sunim prostrated three times before the stupa, reflecting on the simplicity of Ven. Seoam Sunim’s life and the teachings leading to enlightenment.  

“Venerable Sunim, Pomnyun is here.”

After paying respects at the stupa, Sunim had tea with Ven. Jinbeom Sunim, the chief monk of Bongamsa. They discussed recent events at the temple before heading to the Daeungjeon (Main hall) at around 10:30am. 

Seon monks, representing the monastic family, offered tea to the late Ven. Seoam Sunim first, followed by monks from other temples and devotees. 

After performing Cheondojae, a ritual to bring peace and eternal rest to the deceased, the memorial Dharma meeting concluded with three claps of the bamboo clapper. 

Sunim engaged in conversation with other monks over a lunch of bibimbap before leaving the temple. 

Sunim departed from Bongamsa around noon and headed for Seoul. After a three-hour ride, Sunim arrived at Seoul Jungto Center at 3pm.

At 3:30pm, Sunim had a meeting at JTS with Raouf Mazou, Assistant High Commissioner for Operations of the UNHCR. Last November, Filippo Grandi, High Commissioner of the UNHCR, also visited JTS. 

After exchanging greetings, the Assistant High Commissioner showed a video highlighting the impact of JTS’s supply of 200,000 gas stoves to Rohingya refugee camps, expressing gratitude for the contribution.

“As you saw in the video, we hope the impact of the gas stoves supported by JTS in the Rohingya refugee camps was well conveyed, and we would like to express our gratitude once again. The hygiene products sent by JTS to the earthquake victims in Turkey and Syria were also successfully delivered. We appreciate your efforts in convincing the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Republic of Korea to provide gas support.”

Then he sought Sunim’s advice on resolving the impasse regarding Rohingya refugee issues.

How can we resolve the Rohingya refugee issue?

“Of all the refugee crises worldwide, the Rohingya refugee issue stands out as particularly dramatic. During my visit to Myanmar last November, I had the opportunity to meet with government officials, and the prospect of Rohingya refugees returning home appeared very slim. Similarly, my discussions with Bangladesh government officials revealed that their patience in managing refugee camps is wearing thin due to inadequate financial resources. Nonetheless, facilitating the return of Rohingya refugees to their homeland or enabling them to work in Bangladesh remains a formidable challenge. That’s why I’m here seeking advice from the venerable on these pressing issues.”

Sunim shared the solutions he had in mind. 

“Firstly, it’s necessary to prevent additional Rohingya refugees from entering Bangladesh. Secondly, it’s essential to repatriate Rohingya refugees who are less hostile to the Myanmar government. When Myanmar was severely affected by a cyclone last year, JTS ventured to Sittwe to assist not only Rohingyas but also other residents of Rakhine State. We attempted to facilitate the Myanmar government’s acceptance of Rohingyas by stabilizing the area. However, our aid efforts were discontinued after providing assistance twice, as the Myanmar government prohibited foreign aid agencies from operating there. I believe it’s crucial to stabilize Rakhine State by aiding its impoverished residents, thereby stemming the flow of Rohingyas into Bangladesh. Some Rohingya refugees possess homes, livestock, and land, so they desire to return home. However, they hesitate due to concerns about their safety. I think more refugees would be inclined to return if those less apprehensive were to do so first, supported by international organizations to resettle, and word of reduced risk spreads.

“Thirdly, addressing the education needs of Rohingya children is paramount. Children grow rapidly, and missing out on learning opportunities during their formative years can hinder their ability to learn as they get older. I believe it’s crucial to ensure access to education for school-age children. When I visited the refugee camps, teaching Bengali was banned. Has this ban been lifted?”

“No, the ban is still in force.” 

“Fourthly, girls growing up in refugee camps are exposed to sexual assault as they have to share a room with their male siblings. Additionally, young adults in the camps marry, yet they lack privacy, which is a concern that needs to be addressed. Therefore, it’s imperative to expand the space for refugee camps. 

“While it’s commendable that the Bangladesh government accepts refugees, I believe there’s an urgent need to expand the space for refugee camps and to prioritize Bengali education for children, apart from providing job opportunities for refugees.

“During my last visit to Bangladesh, the Commissioner of the Office of the Refugee Relief and Repatriation Commissioner (RRRC) requested that JTS provide ongoing repair services for malfunctioning gas stoves. We agreed that the factory manufacturing the gas stoves would offer technical support, JTS would provide parts, and the UNHCR would allocate space for the repair center. JTS made the necessary preparations, however the space promised by the UNHCR is not yet available, leading to a delay in providing repairs. 

“I don’t think that Bangladesh can realistically accommodate all of the refugees. Instead, I suggest a plan to distribute them: Bangladesh could take approximately 80%, Myanmar 10%, and other countries 10%. To make this possible, international economic support for Bangladesh is essential. Moreover, as Bangladesh continues to develop economically, it will require more labor. Therefore, rather than seeing refugees as a burden, Bangladesh could integrate them into its workforce. Considering Bangladesh’s improving economy and the growing demand for low-wage workers, I believe reaching an agreement with the Bangladeshi government is feasible. As economic development progresses, workers in Bangladesh will seek higher-paying jobs.

“The Myanmar government should also share responsibility for accommodating some Rohingya refugees. While it would be commendable for them to accept all refugees, the strong animosity toward the Rohingyas among Myanmar’s population makes this seem impossible, regardless of whether the country is under military or democratic control. Therefore, an agreement should be reached whereby Bangladesh hosts most of the refugees, while Myanmar accepts a portion. In exchange, international economic support for Bangladesh is crucial. I believe that providing Bangladesh with economic support equivalent to the cost of operating refugee camps for 10 years would be more effective than relying on the international community to manage those camps for the same duration.”

Following this, the Assistant High Commissioner shared information about the UNHCR’s ongoing activities.  

“Last November, I had an opportunity to meet with some Myanmar government officials, who acknowledged that they hadn’t encountered any significant issues after accepting some Rohingya refugees. However, due to concerns about public safety, repatriating Rohingya refugees hasn’t been possible. As you suggested, we’re currently working on persuading the World Bank to provide US$300 million and the Asia Development Bank to contribute another US$300 million to Bangladesh. Nevertheless, with the prolonged refugee situation and dwindling aid, we’re witnessing increased violence among refugees, and young people are becoming more hostile toward the Bangladesh government. The UNHCR is actively trying to facilitate neighboring countries in accepting even a small portion of the refugees. We’ll follow your advice and consistently fulfill our responsibilities.”

Sunim also shared information about JTS’s current activities. 

“Thank you for sharing that information. JTS is also trying to establish a model for Rohingya settlement in Rakhine State, but this effort has been hindered by the intense conflicts between democratic forces and the military. Additionally, JTS unofficially supports Myanmar refugees in Thailand and assists other refugees beyond those recognized by the UNHCR. Despite refugees often being viewed as burdensome, neighboring countries actually need them as a source of low-wage labor.

“One thing we can do at any time is to start the operation of the gas stove repair center in the Rohingya refugee camp, when the UNHCR is ready to allocate the necessary space—whenever that may be. Situating the repair center within the camp will not only generate income for the refugees but will also provide them with technical skills training.”

Afterward, Jun Hai Kyung, Director of the UNHCR’s Regional Bureau for Asia and the Pacific made a request to Sunim. 

“Recently, we had an opportunity to negotiate with the Bangladesh government. We emphasized that our goal is to provide safer housing for the refugees rather than long-term accommodation, which facilitated the negotiation process. I hope you’ll visit Bangladesh several more times to demonstrate that not only the UNHCR but also influential people worldwide are concerned about the Rohingya refugee issue. This could encourage the Bangladesh government to be more flexible. It’s a crucial time to make progress on the Rohingya refugee issue, especially with Bangladesh’s upcoming election in two years. I hope you’ll continue to stay engaged with this issue. Unfortunately, due to a shortage of funds, we had to discontinue distributing soap to refugees.”

Sunim replied,

“Regarding the supply of a large quantity of soaps, JTS will investigate the feasibility.”

Finally, the Assistant High Commissioner once again expressed his gratitude to Sunim, 

“Actually, we are also feeling quite drained, but we truly appreciate you sharing your concerns and valuable insights with us. We would be grateful if you could review and let us know about any additional support requests.”

Sunim took a photo with the Assistant High Commissioner and his team and presented them with a gift. 

“Thank you.”

Sunim escorted the delegates to the entrance and thanked them for visiting JTS. He assured them of his ongoing commitment to the Rohingya refugee issue and pledged continued support. 

At 4:30pm, Sunim met with the chairperson of the Planning Committee of the Peace Foundation to discuss its 20th-anniversary project. Later in the evening, he attended the live-streamed Friday Dharma Q&A session at the broadcasting studio in Seoul Jungto Center.

At 7:30pm, Sunim greeted approximately 4,400 viewers who were online. 

“I’m back in Korea, and cherry blossoms are in full bloom while forsythias adorn the landscape with their yellow flowers. The mountains are ablaze with azaleas. Over the past two days, I’ve been planting trees in the spring rain. It’s spring, and I encourage you to consider planting even just one tree. One volunteer who joined me in planting trees shared that he couldn’t fully feel spring’s arrival until he planted some trees. As we exchange news of spring’s arrival, let’s also talk about spring in your heart.” 

With that, the Dharma Q&A began. Last week’s session, live-streamed from Bhutan, was disrupted by a power outage. As a result, three people who missed the opportunity to ask questions last week, along with a newcomer, posed their questions today. One of them sought Sunim’s advice on self-healing, mentioning that she tends to be unfaithful while in romantic relationships because she didn’t receive enough love from her mother during childhood. 

Where can I find the love I didn’t receive from my mother during childhood?

“I remember being scolded when I was eight for expressing to my mother that she seemed to dislike me, which reflected my feelings at the time. One of her grievances, often voiced when she was drunk, was that my father showed favoritism toward me over my siblings. From my perspective, my father was strict and didn’t treat me any differently. I resented my mother for criticizing my father’s care for us children. I believe that if my father had favored another sibling instead of me, my mother wouldn’t have been angry with him. As an adult, I find my social relationships, including romantic ones and work life, to be hollow, often leaving me feeling lonely. Despite being in a relationship, I tend to be unfaithful. When I’m alone, this loneliness intensifies, leading me to continuously seek solace in romantic relationships. I’ve been undergoing treatment for depression for several years. How can I cope with feeling sorry for my childhood self, who wasn’t loved?”

“You mentioned undergoing psychiatric treatment. I wonder if you’re discussing your story with your therapist as openly as you’ve shared it with me? I believe that you’re grappling not only with depression but also with childhood trauma stemming from mental scars. It seems like you may benefit from therapy to address these deeper emotional wounds alongside psychiatric medication. Are you solely receiving medication for your depression from your doctor, or are you also receiving counseling or therapy?”

“I initially tried counseling but it didn’t seem effective for me, so now I rely on psychiatric medication for treatment.”

“In that case, I suggest you try prostrations. While prostrating, offer a prayer of repentance similar to this: ‘Thank you, mom. You cared for me so much but I didn’t realize it because I was young. I’ve held resentment toward you for not loving me, and for that, I am sorry.’ Avoid praying for her to love you. Your mother likely loved you to the best of her ability at the time. It’s only that the love you received didn’t match your expectations. Your mother may have shouted at you because she was dealing with her own stress from living a busy and challenging life. She did what she could, although it fell short of your expectations. She might not acknowledge if you tell her that you felt unloved or mistreated during your childhood, as she likely believes she did her best in raising her children.

“Her love for you may not have met your expectations, but she did her best given her circumstances and capabilities at the time. She exerted herself to the fullest extent of her physical and mental abilities back then. It’s important to understand it from this perspective.

“Let’s say a person has a capability of 1,000. If they only utilize 100 of their capability to do something for you, you might feel disappointed. However, what if someone with a capability of only 100 gives their all, utilizing their entire capacity to assist you? They’ve exerted themselves to the fullest, giving everything they have. In both cases, the same task is accomplished, but in the latter case, the person has truly done their best. Your mother may have been less capable compared to what you wished for, but given her circumstances, she did her utmost as a parent. Therefore, she may not acknowledge any grievances you express. You might believe that your resentment would fade if she were to realize her faults and apologize to you now. However, the thought of apologizing may not even occur to her, as she believes she did her best at the time with what she had, rather than intentionally withholding anything. Hearing your grievances might make her feel betrayed. She might think, ‘I endured countless hardships to raise you, and this is how you repay me?’

“The reason you were scolded at the age of eight stemmed from the same underlying issue. If you had been an adult, you might have understood the hardships your mother was enduring, but as a child, you couldn’t understand her situation. Consequently, your mothe’’s scolding left a lasting mental scar on you. She likely felt disappointed and scolded you because she was trying her best, yet you were saying hurtful things. This pattern may have repeated itself over time.

“I believe your father’s actions were more about protecting you rather than favoring you over your siblings. It’s common for a parent to intervene when one child is being scolded by the other parent. Your father’s attempts to shield you may have inadvertently escalated your mother’s anger, prompting her to react in the way she did. As a child, you may have perceived this dynamic as ‘Dad protects me while Mom abuses me,’ leading to resentment toward your mother. In many families, fathers are typically associated with disciplining children, while mothers often take on a protective role. As a result, children tend to feel more grateful toward their mothers rather than their fathers. However, it’s not that the father doesn’t love the child; rather, his parental role is different.

“Therefore, you need to have a mindset of understanding, thinking, ‘I didn’t understand her hardships because I was young. She did her best on her part.’ Your prayer might go, ‘Mom, I didn’t understand you because I was young. I didn’t know that you loved me so much and I harbored resentment toward you. I’m sorry.’ Yet, while praying, you might want to stop praying, thinking, ‘When did she love me? She hated me.’ But I urge you to persist. Eventually, you will feel the love of your mother who took care of you despite her anger and the challenges that she faced. It’ll take time but when that happens, all your emotional scars will start fading away. So along with taking medication for depression and receiving counseling, I recommend adding prayer to your routine.”

“Thank you.”

“When someone experiences this kind of trauma, it often affects their ability to maintain lasting relationships. They may continuously seek out affection, constantly searching for love. Initially, they may feel content receiving love, but once they perceive it as insufficient, they start seeking it elsewhere. The cycle continues, with them constantly searching for love. Individuals, whether men or women, who are perceived as flirty often have underlying reasons for their behavior. Without understanding these reasons, they may be unfairly judged as bad people.

“You’ll be able to end your constant search for love once you address and heal your emotional wounds concerning your mother. Continuing to seek sufficient love from others without first healing yourself will only lead to ongoing dissatisfaction. Recognizing that you’ve already received enough love can liberate you from this perpetual pursuit for more.”

“As I listen to your advice, I find myself both feeling sorry for and grateful to my mother, who was my age at the time. I will earnestly perform the prostrations.” 

“How would you feel if you were married with two children and your husband got drunk and did absurd things? You would feel extremely stressed, but then your child says, ‘Mom, you don’t love me.’ In that moment, you might explode. Most mothers are not saints. Imagine how challenging it must have been for a woman who had to raise a child while feeling dissatisfied with her husband soon after marriage! She might have become angry because she was doing her best under difficult circumstances, yet her child didn’t understand and criticized her for perceived shortcomings. So, it’s important to acknowledge that your mother did her best given the circumstances. It’s true that she may not have given you as much love as you desired, but that doesn’t make her a bad person. You need to understand her, reflecting on her efforts and thinking, ‘Looking back now, she did her best raising me without ever abandoning me.’

“If she had only cared about herself, she would have divorced your father and left you. Instead, she made sacrifices for you. She was likely irritated because her daughter didn’t understand and said hurtful things. Therefore, if you consider, ‘Maybe she wasn’t good at expressing her love, but she did her best,’ your emotional wounds begin to heal.”

“Thank you for your advice. I understand your point.”

The questions continued and it was 9 o’clock when the Dharma Q&A concluded. 

Tomorrow, Sunim will pack his bags for Bhutan. He’ll depart from Incheon International Airport in the evening, transfer at Bangkok International Airport, and finally arrive at Paro International Airport in Bhutan. The second field trip for the sustainable development project will commence the day after tomorrow.