May 10, 2024: Washington D.C., Day 5, Meetings in the U.S. Department of Defense and Press Conference with Washington Correspondents
“Is there really such a thing as fate and compatibility in marriage?”
Hello. Today is the fifth day of Venerable Pomnyun Sunim’s meetings in Washington D.C. with U.S. government, members of Congress, and think tank representatives for peace on the Korean peninsula. It is also the last day of his 12-day visit to the United States before returning to Korea.
Sunim began his day at the Washington Jungto Center in the U.S. with the 1000-Day Practice and meditation at 5 AM.
After the morning practice, Sunim conducted the live Friday Dharma Q&A starting at 6:30 AM local time, which is 7:30 PM in Korea.
Around 4,600 people joined the live broadcast, during which Sunim talked about his activities over the past week.
“Last week, I spoke with you from Toronto. Now I am in Washington D.C., the capital of the United States. Over the past week, I have toured various cities on the East Coast, holding eight Dharma Q&As. Four of them were with English interpretation for English-speaking audiences, and four were for Korean expatriates. This week, I visited the U.S. State Department, the Department of Defense, the White House, Congress, and several private research institutes to discuss peace on the Korean peninsula and humanitarian aid for North Korea. The risk of war on the Korean peninsula is increasing, and the suffering of North Korean people is severe, so humanitarian aid is necessary. To achieve this, dialogue between North Korea and the U.S. must be initiated, and I have been discussing this with various people in Washington D.C.. After today’s Dharma Q&A, I will visit one more place before returning to Korea.”
Sunim then conversed with those who had submitted questions in advance. One of the three questioners asked about the validity of marriage compatibility, expressing fear about a tough future with a boyfriend of four years, based on a fortune teller’s reading.
Is There Really Such a Thing as Fate and Compatibility in Marriage?
“I have a boyfriend I’ve been with for four years. I want to marry him, so I went to fortune tellers and got several readings about our compatibility. Some of them said our compatibility was poor, making me afraid of our future. My parents worry about it every day, which makes me feel guilty. I also fear, ‘What if our married life is as difficult as predicted?’ and this fear makes me want to die each day. I heard in one of Sunim’s sessions ‘You will be fine if you live with a strong faith in your love,’ which helps me calm down a bit, but I’m still very scared and struggling. Should I believe in fate and compatibility? How can I pray and practice to escape this foolishness?”
“If you ask whether human destiny is predetermined, I can answer both ‘yes’ and ‘no.’ What could be considered predetermined? Can we say that humans are destined to live for a thousand years? No, we cannot. Can we say that humans are destined to live for a hundred years? Yes, we can. Are humans destined to live on Earth? Yes, we can say that. Depending on the criteria, we can say that something is ‘destined’ or ‘not destined.’
Let me give another example. Is it predetermined what someone will eat for breakfast, lunch, or dinner today? Is it predetermined how many hours they will sleep or whom they will meet today? No, it is not. Whether something is predetermined depends on the scope or scale of the time and space you’re referring to. Therefore, we should not view our lives through the lens of ‘destined’ or ‘not destined.’
Humans are born, grow old, get sick, and die. In this life, we have various experiences. Whether to live with anxiety, impatience, hatred, resentment, anger, and irritation or to live with a light heart, seeing everything as just a part of life’s journey, is a matter of choice. While hiking, we may encounter steep paths and gentle paths, cross streams, or walk under the scorching sun without shade. If we view everything happening in front of us as part of life’s journey, we can live without suffering, no matter what happens. Whether to live with anxiety and resentment or with ease and comfort is our choice. We can choose a life without suffering or a life full of suffering.
Is it predetermined who lives a happy life and who lives a suffering life? No, it is not. But the questioner is likely to have an unhappy marriage if they marry based on the fortune-teller’s prediction. This is not because of the bad compatibility reading but because of the questioner’s anxiety disorder. This anxiety, a form of mental illness, increases the likelihood of an unhappy marriage.
Would it be okay not to marry? No, living alone would also be unhappy. Would it be better to change partners? No, changing partners would still result in unhappiness. This is because the root cause is not the external conditions but the questioner’s anxiety disorder. Therefore, treating the anxiety disorder is the most important thing.
Ordinary people may feel bad for a day or two after hearing bad news but soon move on. However, the questioner continues to fear and feel anxious after hearing a bad compatibility reading, even wanting to die. This indicates a mental disorder. Thus, psychological treatment is necessary. Once treated, whether the questioner marries or not, or with whom, will not be a big problem. You can live happily married or happily single. Living with a negative mind, like the questioner, leads to unhappiness whether married or single, whether having children or not.
A predetermined unhappy life does not exist. Living with fear, anxiety, hatred, or resentment makes life difficult no matter what. Freeing oneself from these negative emotions makes life manageable whether married or single, with or without children, with parents alive or not, working in a company or running a business, working in a factory or farming. External conditions become less important.
I recommend you first seek psychological treatment. Additionally, doing 108 bows every morning can help. Whether you call upon the Buddha, God, or no one is fine. It’s for your psychological treatment. While bowing, give yourself these affirmations:
‘I am at ease. I have no fears. I am living well.’
This self-affirmation helps ensure that no matter what happens or what anyone says, it will not be a significant hindrance. Crossing a stream, deciding whether to take off your shoes or keep them on, may seem crucial at the moment, but looking back, it’s not that important. Whether you drove or walked, when you look back on it, it’s not important. Taking off your shoes to cross the stream may be bothersome at that moment, but dwelling on each moment’s inconvenience perpetuates suffering. No matter what happens, you should not consider it a problem. Living with the perspective of ‘how will I view this in the future?’ makes any life situation manageable. I hope you maintain such a viewpoint.
The same goes for compatibility. If someone says, ‘Your fate says you will die soon,’ you should calmly reply, ‘Is that so? Everyone dies someday. Do I look that way to you?’ Why should you feel anxious about what someone else says? This makes you a puppet to others’ words. Practice is about breaking free from such subjugation.
It doesn’t matter whether you marry or not, or whom you marry. Marrying a poor spouse allows you to help them. Marrying a virtuous spouse allows you to respect and learn from them. Marrying an ill spouse allows you to care for them. Marrying a healthy spouse enables you to benefit from them. Whom you marry is not that important. Having a practitioner’s perspective makes marriage optional. You can live happily married or single. This is true freedom.”
“My parents are also very troubled by my compatibility issue. Seeing them suffer makes it harder for me. How should I handle this?”
“Feeling troubled by the compatibility issue or seeing your parents’ suffering is the same issue. Ultimately, you are suffering because of other people’s words and actions. Your parents may be sad or anxious about the fortune teller’s reading. That’s their life. They are from a generation that believes in fortune tellers, so it’s natural for them to be anxious. Accept that your parents believe that. You should reassure them, saying, ‘Don’t worry.’ If a fortune teller’s readings were always accurate, why do couples who supposedly have good compatibility argue and get divorced?’ In the past, people couldn’t choose their spouse through dating. Most married without even seeing their partner’s face, so it was natural to be anxious about whom they were marrying. Checking with a fortune teller was a way to feel assured. Sending and receiving horoscopes was part of the marriage process back then. Recognize it as ‘the marriage culture of that time.’ If your parents worry, see it as ‘their issue.’ Reassure them, ‘Mom and Dad, don’t worry. I will have a good marriage.’”
“Listening to Sunim, I realized my anxiety was foolish. I will try to maintain a peaceful mind, saying, ‘I am fine.’”
“Won’t you be going to see a psychiatrist?”
“I am already receiving psychological counseling.”
“Counseling alone is not enough. You should get yourself checked by a psychiatrist. If they recommend medication to alleviate sensitivity, combine it with practice. If medication is not needed, just continue with practice.”
“Yes, thank you.”
The questions continued.
– I lack confidence and am passive. I can’t assert myself and I struggle to make a living. Can I change my passive personality?
– My 42-year-old son has suffered from severe epilepsy since childhood. He is often misunderstood due to his motor skills and is currently unemployed. How can I help my son?
After an hour of conversation, the live Q&A broadcast ended at 7:30 AM. Sunim had breakfast and left for Washington D.C. at 8:10 AM. He headed to the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia, to meet with some Pentagon officials.
Upon arriving at the Pentagon at 9:10 AM, Sunim went through security checks and had a 1.5-hour meeting starting at 10 AM with officials overseeing nuclear and weapons of mass destruction (WMD) policy.
At the entrance, Nina Sawyer Wagner, the Principal Director for Nuclear & Countering Weapons of Mass Destruction Policy, welcomed Sunim. She has had a long-standing connection with Sunim.
“Hello! Last week, I saw a large poster with Sunim’s photo in Annandale, Virginia. What were you doing there?”
“I gave a Dharma Q&A for the Korean community last Sunday. On Monday, I held a session in Washington D.C. with English interpretation.”
“I see. Your visit to the Department of Defense is very important, but next time you are in Washington, we would love for you to give a Dharma Q&A for our staff. They have a lot of work and stress.”
“That is my specialty. I would be happy to.” (laughter)
After exchanging greetings, Sunim arrived at the office where staff from departments dealing with nuclear non-proliferation and sanctions were present.
Sunim emphasized the changed international landscape due to the war in Ukraine, and he explained what military strategies the U.S. should adopt to stop the proliferation of North Korea’s nuclear and WMD programs.
He detailed North Korea’s economic structure and stressed that sanctions strategies should vary based on their goals, recommending that sanctions not worsen the lives of North Korean people.
After 1.5 hours, two officials thanked Sunim.
“Talking with you broadened our knowledge. Thank you for visiting the Department of Defense.”
With the end of this meeting, Sunim’s journey for peace on the Korean peninsula in Washington D.C. concluded. Over the past week, Sunim met many people, from think tank experts to U.S. government officials. Despite repeating the same message to everyone, he showed no signs of fatigue. We truly hope that through Sunim’s efforts, the suffering of North Korean people is alleviated, tensions on the Korean peninsula are reduced, and Northeast Asia can be peaceful.
Leaving the Pentagon, Sunim headed to Jason’s house. He expressed gratitude to Jason, who provided English interpretation throughout his U.S. visit.
The volunteers of Jungto Society bowed three times in farewell to Sunim before leaving Jason’s house.
At 1 PM, Sunim met with Washington correspondents at a Korean restaurant in Annandale, Virginia. The journalists greeted Sunim warmly.
They exchanged pleasantries and began their conversation over lunch. Each newspaper dispatches correspondents to Washington D.C. to cover various news topics. The correspondents were particularly interested in North Korea-U.S. relations and the U.S. presidential election.
Sunim shared his discussions with U.S. officials and experts over the past few days, particularly his emphasis on normalizing North Korea-U.S. relations to freeze North Korea’s nuclear program, and the reactions he received.
“This time, U.S. officials seemed more receptive to my suggestions than last year. They acknowledged that immediate denuclearization is unrealistic and are seeking practical alternatives. Although they did not commit to immediate policy changes, they listened and agreed with my proposals. Previously, they often dismissed my suggestions or simply listened without engaging. This time, the atmosphere was more accepting, with higher-ranking officials or more serious participants showing an understanding of the current reality.
Last year, I expressed concerns about the dangers of North Korea-Russia military cooperation, which were somewhat dismissed. However, over the past eight months, most of my concerns have materialized, possibly prompting this change in their attitude.
My discussions with U.S. officials aim not to gauge their current thoughts but to urge active intervention in the North Korean issue. Passive waiting will only exacerbate the problem. Preparations must start now, so once the U.S. presidential election is over, the new administration can act swiftly. This needs to happen early in the new administration’s term to avoid being overshadowed by the next election cycle.”
Hearing this, the correspondents asked what role the South Korean government should play.
What Policies Should the South Korean Government Pursue Now?
“I understand Sunim’s point. While it’s essential to see how the U.S. government responds to Sunim’s advice, will the South Korean government accept it? With three years left in the South Korean presidential term, what changes can be expected in handling the North Korean issue?”
“Although a change in South Korean policy is necessary, the current situation makes it difficult for South Korea to take a leading role. Final decisions have always been made by the U.S., with South Korea, Japan, and the U.S. playing different roles at different times. It is difficult to expect a policy shift from the current Yoon administration. Even if changes occur, they won’t significantly impact inter-Korean relations because North Korea has cut off communications. The U.S. still has almost a year left until a new administration takes office. During this time, it is important to steadily continue the Japan-North Korea dialogue to manage war risks. After the U.S. election, the U.S. should engage actively.”
Correspondents expressed doubt about the South Korean government’s ability to play a significant role given recent congressional election results.
“Judging by the results of the recent Korean congressional elections, the South Korean government seems unlikely to take meaningful action. Not only is there a lack of effort to improve relations with North Korea, but also no groundwork for policy flexibility.”
Sunim smiled and said,
“After the recent general elections, President Yoon Suk Yeol had an opportunity. Respecting the people’s wishes and forming a grand coalition with the opposition party could have regained public support. Even without amending the constitution, the government could have operated in a de facto semi-presidential system, leading to national unity.
In Life, There Is Always a Way Out
There is always a way out in life. The problem is not taking it. Consequently, resistance from the opposition and the people who supported the opposition will intensify, making governance more difficult. However, there is always a way out. Even on the brink of death, there is a way out. Making such decisions early earns praise in history; delaying them requires paying a higher price.”
The questions continued.
“Do you think there will be progress in the dialogue between North Korea and Japan?”
“Currently, progress is slow, but there could be gradual improvement. Prime Minister Kishida’s declining approval rating is a factor, but the biggest recent change is the Japanese abductee issue. Previously, the strong stance of abductees’ families left no options for politicians. With the passing of Megumi Yokota’s parents and no progress over the last decade, many see the need for improving relations to resolve the issue. Both sides recognize that making the abductee issue a precondition makes dialogue difficult.
So, unconditional dialogue between North Korea and Japan should be initiated. I am not saying they should give up on the abductee issue, but starting with unconditional dialogue can eventually lead to its resolution. I visited Japan in February and gave advice to senior politicians. Although dialogue between North Korea and Japan hasn’t been going well, Japan is the only country currently engaged in dialogue with North Korea among South Korea, the U.S., and Japan. As communication channels with South Korea are cut off and North Korea is unresponsive to the U.S., managing war risks through Japan-North Korea dialogue is the most realistic approach.”
“What is your assessment of the current economic situation in North Korea? Some say it’s dire, while others say it’s better than expected.”
“Both perspectives are subjective. It depends on the criteria. Compared to South Korea’s economy, North Korea is struggling. But compared to last year, things are slightly better this year. Asking whether North Korea’s situation is okay is vague and hard to answer. Food shortages persist, but it’s an exaggeration to say streets are littered with bodies of people who have starved to death. When the distribution system was intact, abrupt ration cuts caused mass deaths. Now, the people themselves are striving to survive, preventing mass starvation. However, some people failing in the competition for food may still die.”
After two hours of conversation, the meeting concluded. After taking a commemorative photo, the correspondents bid farewell to Sunim.
“We learned a great deal and had a good meal. Thank you, Sunim.”
“Let’s continue to meet in the future.”
Sunim then departed for the airport, arriving at Dulles International Airport at 4 PM. After check-in, he expressed gratitude to Dharma Teacher Bophae, Kim Ji-hyun, and Dharma Teacher Myeodeok for their efforts in organizing and supporting the visit with a handshake.
“Thank you for your hard work.”
“Sunim, you worked very hard. Have a safe trip back to Korea!”
The flight departed Washington D.C. at 5:50 PM and arrived at Los Angeles Airport at 8:10 PM.
While waiting at the airport, Sunim spent time editing manuscripts and boarded the flight to Korea at 11 PM.
The flight departed Los Angeles at 11 PM, and, after a 12-hour flight, is scheduled to arrive at Incheon International Airport at 4:20 AM Korean time tomorrow. Sunim rested on the plane.
Thus concluded the North America East Coast Dharma Q&A tour and activities for peace on the Korean peninsula that began on April 29. This was all possible thanks to Jungto practitioners worldwide, volunteers who promoted and prepared the events, volunteers who provided transportation, meals, and accommodations, and many others who worked behind the scenes. We extend our heartfelt gratitude to all.
