May 3, 2024: North America East Coast Dharma Q&A Tour (5) Dallas
“I got a job at a great company but was suddenly laid off.”
Hello. Today, the fifth Dharma Q&A of Venerable Pomnyun Sunim’s 2024 overseas tour took place in Dallas, Texas, a major center for industry and aviation in the United States.
Venerable Pomnyun Sunim started the day with early morning practice and meditation, and at 6:30 AM, he broadcast a live Dharma Q&A in the basement of Mr. Jang Hyung-won’s home.
As the streaming began, about 4,200 people joined in. Sunim greeted the viewers with a bright smile.
“I am currently in Toronto, Canada. Last week, I visited Bhutan, briefly returned to Korea, and this week, I gave Dharma Q&As in New York, Boston, and New Jersey in the United States, and yesterday I arrived in Toronto, Canada. It is evening time in Korea now, but it is morning here in Toronto.”
Sunim had made several visits to Bhutan, and last week he signed a Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) with the Royal Government of Bhutan. After briefly showing a video of his trip to Bhutan, he described his trip to Bhutan.
“Now that we have signed the MOU, we will begin to implement specific projects. The Royal Government of Bhutan has been very considerate in allowing JTS to carry out many activities. We are about to start pilot projects, and I ask for your keen interest. After watching the video of our activities in Bhutan, first, I hope you will take an interest in humanity’s challenge of how to live happily while consuming less in this age of climate crisis. Secondly, I hope you recognize that by sharing even a little of our resources with the poor, we can bring them great hope and happiness. I hope all of you will live your life, sharing at least some of what you have with those less fortunate.”
He then had conversations with three individuals who had submitted questions in advance. The live Dharma Q&A continued for an hour.
“After this broadcast, I will be flying to Dallas to conduct a Dharma Q&A with English interpretation for English-speakers. Tomorrow, I will hold a Dharma Q&A for a Korean audience in Atlanta. Then, I will go to Virginia, which is close to Washington D.C. to hold another Dharma Q&A and meet with experts in the American political community to discuss how we can prevent another war on the Korean peninsula. I hope all of you will also pray for peace on the Korean peninsula.”
After the broadcast, at 7:40 PM, Sunim had breakfast. After breakfast, he expressed his gratitude to Mr. Jang Hyung-won and his family, who provided accommodations, meals, and transportation.
“Thank you. Thanks to you, I had a good stay in Toronto.”
At 8:30 AM, we headed to Toronto Pearson International Airport. Although the flight was at 1:20 PM, we arrived early at the airport because one of our group members had lost their passport.
After completing the departure procedures, we bought some snacks at the airport for a light meal, did a little work, and took a rest.
Just as we were waiting at the gate after successfully checking-in, we received a call from the airline we flew with yesterday informing us that they had found the lost passport.
Venerable Pomnyun Sunim and his entourage boarded the plane with relief. The flight was delayed by 25 minutes and departed for Dallas, USA, at 1:45 PM. Although it started to rain as we left, the weather was clear when we arrived in Dallas.
It was nearly 5 PM by the time we collected our luggage and exited the Dallas Fort Worth Airport, where Mr. Han Yong-woo, a member of the Jungto Society, was waiting for us.
We exchanged warm greetings and then headed to the home of Mr. Han Yong-woo and Mrs. Lee Hyang-hee, where we would be staying. After unpacking our luggage, we had dinner. We left for the Dharma Q&A venue at 6:10 PM.
Today’s Dharma Q&A was held at the Horizon Unitarian Universalist Church. When we arrived, we could see volunteers welcoming the attendees.
Last September, Sunim held a Dharma Q&A here for the Korean community. This year, the Dharma Q&A will be conducted with English interpretation for English speakers. About 70 people filled the small church.
At exactly 7 PM, we watched an introductory video about Venerable Pomnyun Sunim. Sunim received a round of applause as he stepped onto the stage and greeted everyone.
“Today’s conversation is not about any particular religion, philosophy, or ideology. We are going to talk about our lives. Everyone wants to live happily without suffering. However, we often experience stress and suffering in our lives. Today’s conversation is about exploring why things we don’t want keep happening to us. The goal is to move from a life of suffering to one without suffering. Feel free to share your concerns, questions, and thoughts as if you are talking to a friend. Dharma talks are not about discussing complex Buddhist doctrines but about experiencing a life without suffering through our conversation. Now, let’s begin our conversation.”
Six people raised their hands to speak with Sunim. Among various questions, one person, who had graduated with an MBA and secured a good job, asked for advice on how to cope and move forward after being unexpectedly laid off.
Despite securing a good job, I was suddenly laid off.
“After graduating with an MBA, I landed a great job with a well-known company. I was extremely grateful for the opportunity given to me. I worked tirelessly, even on weekends, to provide the best results and to prove that the company made the right decision in hiring me. However, seven months later, I was laid off. As someone who had been accustomed to working non-stop every day, it was difficult to come to terms with being laid off. In Korean culture, being laid off carries a stigma of failure and being deemed as lacking value in the company. It was hard for me to accept this reality. Unlike in Korea, layoffs are quite common in the United States, but as a Korean, I found it really difficult to accept being laid off.
I have been struggling with sleep and find myself crying every day. I feel sad all the time, my depression has worsened, and I experience anxiety attacks. As I search for a new job within a limited timeframe, seeing my friends continue to work and enjoy their lives makes me feel left behind. It’s also heartbreaking to see my loved ones suffer because of my situation. I would like to know what kind of mindset I should adopt to overcome these challenges and move forward.”
“First of all, congratulations. Being laid off from your job may actually have prevented future suffering. Had you continued at that job, you might have experienced prolonged distress. (laughs)
Also, about seven months is an appropriate amount of time for some experimentation or training. Being fired after seven months may have been due to your inexperience.
There might be two main reasons for being laid off. The first is that you were probably not quite skilled enough but got lucky and were hired. The company has certain expectations of you. Given your high salary, they would have expected substantial returns from you. After observing you for seven months, it’s possible that you didn’t meet the company’s standards. Would it have been better to be fired after a year or two or to be fired now?”
“It’s better to be fired now.”
“It’s indeed better because you can’t live up to the company’s demands. Even if you did your best, sacrificing your personal life, it might not have been enough to meet their expectations. You could have ended up overworking or suffering from stress, damaging your health. If you can’t meet the company’s expectations, it would naturally lead to feelings of inferiority, causing significant mental strain. In this case, getting that job was a mistake to begin with.
The second reason could be that you worked too hard. If the CEO had directly observed your hard work, they would have been impressed. However, there are many levels of management in a company, and you were among the lower ranks. If you work too hard or appear too competent, it can be threatening to mid-level employees. Therefore, if you work too hard, there is a high risk of being laid off. For instance, if the existing employees were comfortably working eight hours a day and suddenly a new employee starts working ten hours a day and even works on weekends, how would the boss react? The boss may expect existing employees to work harder, which will put pressure on them. Though you meant well by working hard, you inadvertently caused significant harm to your colleagues. Therefore, when participating in social and work environments, it’s important not only to think of yourself but also to be mindful of others around you. Your lack of awareness in this regard could have resulted in being fired.
Whatever the reason, it’s crucial for you to quickly understand your issues. That’s why I congratulated you. Being laid off is not something to be sad about. It should be considered the first lesson learned upon stepping into the real world. You might make a mistake again. But next time, you should take your previous error into consideration. Still, you might falter again if your behavior is inadequate. Let’s say you work as the secretary to the president. If you take it easy on your job, it might lead to different issues. Such experiences help you learn when to take it easy, when to work hard, when to hurry, and when to slow down. You’ll gain the ability to adjust the pace of your work based on the surrounding circumstances and atmosphere.
Just because a company pays well or is famous doesn’t mean it’s the right fit for you. A good company should, firstly, have a low-stress environment. Most of your life is spent at work. How can you keep on working at that job if you’re always tense? Secondly, the company should allow you a certain amount of freedom in your work. Thirdly, even if not perfect, the company should have a relatively fair evaluation system. If such conditions are met, it’s a good job even if the salary is on the low side. Finding such a job isn’t easy. You may have to go through five jobs before finding the right one for you. You should think, ‘I wasn’t fired. I just tested it out.’ If you’re unlucky and end up staying in one job a long time, it’s fine to just continue working there. (laughs)
If you can maintain this perspective, choosing a job shouldn’t be difficult. How can you lose sleep over something so trivial? What good is earning a Ph.D. if it makes you mentally exhausted? Even if you are a high school dropout, it’s better to be mentally healthy.”
“Thank you.”
The questions continued:
– My family immigrated to the U.S., but how should we handle my son’s compulsory military service in Korea?
– My wife’s negative traits keep recurring, and I increasingly distrust her. Should I get a divorce?
– I recently attended a Vipassana meditation retreat and saw a lot of my immaturity and desire for others’ approval. How can I become the master of my own life?
– My father in Korea has passed away. How should I overcome this grief?
– How can I overcome my fear of death? What are Venerable Pomnyun Sunim’s thoughts on life after death?”
Two hours passed quickly.
As this was the first English-translated Dharma Q&A held in Dallas, there were more Koreans than non-Koreans In attendance.
“We need to monitor how the Dharma Q&A was received by the non-Koreans.”
After the Dharma Q&A, Sunim asked each non-Korean attendee about their impressions.
“How was it?”
“It was awesome.”
“What did you like about it?”
“It was great. There were actually many lessons I took from it, some of which I can apply in the future.”
Sunim then talked to another non-Korean standing nearby, who was greatly impressed by Sunim’s direct manner of speaking.
“I really appreciated how direct you were. You cut directly through the ideas of culture and our paths, and you go straight to what’s important.”
Sunim laughed and responded,
“People watching may enjoy it, but imagine how painful it is for the ones asking the questions.” (everyone laughs)
“I think so.”
Sunim approached another non-Korean and asked for their impression. This person answered in Korean.
“How was it?”
“It was great. I wanted to ask a question, but just as I was about to get up my courage, it ended.”
“You should have raised your hand sooner. I end the Dharma Q&A when I don’t see anyone raising their hand.” (laughs)
Lastly, Sunim asked a non-Korean who was buying his book on their way out,
“How was it?”
“I thought it was very good.”
“What did you like about it?”
“All the questions were set in this era, and the answers were quite powerful. One person said, ‘I’m fired, unhappy, and don’t know how to succeed.’ And you replied, ‘Congratulations on being fired.’ It’s as if, ‘You are dismissed from sorrow and misery.’ It seemed like he was saying. I was even more surprised by your response: ‘He should be congratulated because he was fired from a job that wasn’t for him.’ As you said, he was probably fired out of sadness because the job wasn’t for him. I was able to experience a shift in perspective, realizing that good news can be found even in bad situations. I lost my brother too, and I learned how to learn and succeed even in my grief. Thank you.”
“Yes, we have the right to live happily, and we can live happily. I hope you live a happy life.”
Sunim extended a handshake to a woman, conveying his encouragement.
Among the volunteers who prepared for the Dharma Q&A were family members including a mother-in-law, son-in-law, daughter, and brother-in-law. They wanted to take a commemorative photo with Sunim, so they took one together.
The son-in-law is American and volunteered last year as well as this year. After taking a photo, he expressed his gratitude to Sunim.
“I volunteered during the Korean Dharma Q&A last year too. It was very meaningful to have a Dharma Q&A for English speakers this year. It was really great to hear Sunim’s teachings in English. I believe today’s Dharma Q&A opened the door to holding Dharma Q&As throughout the state of Texas.”
Finally, Sunim took a group photo with all the volunteers who prepared the Dharma Q&A.
“Dallas!”
Everyone resolved to inform more non-Koreans about the Dharma Q&As, so they can hold a Dharma Q&A for English speakers again next year.
“Great job.”
After leaving the church, we returned to Han Yong-woo’s home and concluded the day.
Tomorrow morning, we will depart from the Dallas Fort Worth Airport to fly to Atlanta. In the afternoon, Sunim will give a Dharma Q&A for the Korean community in Atlanta, and in the evening, we will take a flight to Washington D.C.
