The more I help others, the more I hurt my parents.

July 19, 2024, Hanoi, Vietnam, Day 1, Ban Phuc Temple, Dharma Q&A for Korean Residents

Hello. For the next two days, I will be visiting various temples in Hanoi, the heart of northern Vietnam, to share Dharma talks and hold a Dharma Q&A for the Korean residents.

Sunim departed from the accommodation at 6:40 AM after completing morning prayers and meditation, heading towards Ban Phuc Temple.

This visit to Hanoi follows an invitation from the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Committee, after a previous visit to Ho Chi Minh City. While the second office of the committee is located in Ho Chi Minh City, the first office is in Hanoi. During these two days, several temples will be visited, focusing on the first office.

Although Sunim left early to avoid traffic, he arrived 40 minutes earlier than expected. Upon arrival at the temple, lay practitioners stood on both sides, chanting beautifully.

Guided by the head monk, Sunim first enjoyed tea in the reception room while exchanging greetings. The head monk expressed deep gratitude for Sunim’s visit.

“Thank you so much for coming to our temple as soon as you returned to Vietnam.”


Sunim also expressed his gratitude.

“Sunim Thich Nhat Tu has sent many videos, so I have seen a lot of Sunim’s activities. I learned that many good things are being done globally. I respect the social practices for sentient beings and the many Dharma talks that are given. I have been to Seoul, and I had a very good impression. My experiences in Korea have greatly influenced the development of Buddhism in Vietnam.”

“It’s fine. Since it’s the retreat period, all the monks are gathered, making it a great time to have discussions together.”


After finishing the tea, Sunim led the group to the Dharma talk location following the traditional Vietnamese ceremony with bells and incense.

On the way, they paid respects at the main hall and circled the temple before heading to the auditorium. Upon arriving at the auditorium, around 100 monks and practitioners began chanting.

After the Buddhist ceremony, the head monk introduced Sunim to the attendees and explained the activities of Ban Phuc Temple, then requested a Dharma talk from him.

“There are about 3,000 temples, big and small, in Hanoi. Among them, 20 temples are where the monks gather for retreats, and Ban Phuc Temple is one of them. Sunim gathers here for three months each year to read scriptures, study, and practice. Today, we hope to learn from your experiences and know-how about the activities of the Jungto Society.”


Sunim then began his Dharma talk.


Wishing for active exchanges and cooperation between Korean and Vietnamese Buddhism

Everyone applauded enthusiastically, looking forward to future exchanges.

Various methods and new attempts to convey Buddhism

The Buddha’s teachings should apply to everyone

Questions were then taken. Anyone could raise their hand to ask Sunim questions. Five people asked various questions, and Sunim shared the experiences of Korean Buddhism and the Jungto Society, discussing how Vietnamese Buddhism can continue to develop.

As Vietnamese Buddhism may gradually see a decline in practitioners in the future, what preparations should be made?


“Currently, there is no problem, but in the future, Vietnamese Buddhism will see a decrease in monks and practitioners, just like in Korea. What preparations should we make now to prevent this?”

“Thank you.”

Questions continued to follow.


• Having visited Korea, I noticed that temples are mostly located in the mountains rather than in cities where many people live. What is the reason for this?

• You have visited Vietnam several times and met many Vietnamese people and monks; what feelings did you have?

• How can we address the issue of Vietnamese people converting to other religions after going abroad?


As the questions were being answered, an hour and a half passed quickly. There were more monks who wanted to ask questions, but due to the translation, not many could be addressed. After the Dharma talk, the head monk expressed his gratitude.

“Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with Korean Buddhism and the Jungto Society. Although it was a short time, we learned a lot. We request that you not only visit Hanoi this time but also come more often in the future.”


The Dharma talk concluded with loud applause. The head monk presented a gift as a token of appreciation.

Everyone took a commemorative photo and exited the auditorium.

The head monk led Sunim to the hall where the memorial was set up and shared information about his teacher.

They moved to another area to continue their conversation. Fresh fruits and tea grown directly at the temple were served. After further discussions, they rose from their seats.

Leaving Ban Phuc Temple, Sunim headed to a restaurant for lunch with the representatives of the Korean community in Hanoi.

Upon arriving at the restaurant, Sunim greeted the president of the Korean Association, Jang Eun-sook, along with the editor of the Korean Association magazine, the chairperson of the Democratic Peace Unification Advisory Council, and the president of the Real Estate Association.

Kim Dong-seop, the chairperson of the Democratic Peace Unification Advisory Council, mentioned he wanted to see 2,000 sets of sportswear. Sunim responded that he would check if it would be possible to donate clothing to Bhutan. It was also discussed that it would be great to share clothing-making techniques with Southeast Asian countries supported by JTS.

Due to various circumstances within Vietnam, the Dharma Q&A scheduled for Korean residents that evening was canceled and would instead be held online. Sunim expressed his gratitude to the president of the Korean Association for his efforts to facilitate the lecture despite the difficulties.

“It’s such a pity that we can’t hold the lecture.”

“Thank you for taking it lightly.”

After finishing the meal, they took a commemorative photo together.

Due to Sunim’s ongoing health issues, he moved to a Jungto Society member’s house nearby to rest briefly before the evening lecture.

At 5 PM, Sunim headed to the office of the Korean Association in Hanoi. The association provided space for the live broadcast of the Friday Dharma Q&A, which required a good internet connection.

After setting up the broadcasting equipment, the live broadcast of the Friday Dharma Q&A began at 5:30 PM local time, which is 7:30 PM in Korea. Today, over 3,400 people joined the live broadcast, and Sunim began with his greeting.


After watching the video together, Sunim began a conversation with those who had submitted questions in advance.

For an hour and a half, four people asked Sunim questions and engaged in discussions. After the conversation, Sunim encouraged the questioners.

You are all the most precious beings in this world

After concluding the live broadcast, Sunim moved to the meeting room of the Korean Association next door to hold a Dharma Q&A session for the Korean residents.

Originally, a large-scale lecture was planned at the Hanoi Korean International School, expecting many residents to attend, but due to circumstances in Vietnam, the lecture could not be held. Although the lecture had to be canceled, a small gathering was possible, so only those who had submitted questions were invited to the Korean Association meeting room for discussions, which would be streamed live on YouTube.


Over 770 people had registered in advance, connecting on YouTube, while about 60 people were present in the Korean Association meeting room. The Dharma Q&A began at 7:30 PM. Sunim first greeted everyone with a smile.

“It is a good country.”

The Sadness of Helping People Around the World

The attendees then engaged in conversations with Sunim. Over two hours, seven people asked questions. One person sought advice on how to choose between helping others and the pain it causes their parents, expressing that the more they help others, the more they seem to drive a nail into their parents’ hearts.


The more I help others, the more I hurt my parents.


“I have been in Vietnam for three years now, and I find myself often alone without friends, which has led me to reflect on how to live. At one point, I realized that I was living like a very well-fed pig. However, after engaging in many volunteer activities in Vietnam, I felt a strong desire to live an altruistic life. This desire has grown stronger, and now I want to dedicate my entire life to helping others. I have submitted my resignation at work and will be finishing next week. I think starting a small charity will bring me joy and fulfillment. After nearly eight years in the workforce, I am now stepping out into the unknown, which is quite frightening, so I have burned my bridges. I have left only the minimum amount of money I need to help others and have given everything else to those in need. However, my parents are having a hard time with this. My mother is starting to understand, but my father seems to be struggling. As the eldest son, I am still single, and I think he worries about what I will do in the future since I am not married and have no children. He has cried in front of me for the first time, and now we haven’t been in contact for about three months. The more I help others, the more I feel like I am driving a nail into my father’s heart. This is very distressing for me. What choice should I make?”


The questioner asked with tears, expressing concern for his father’s feelings. Sunim responded.

“Thank you. I understand well.”

Questions continued to follow.

• Having lived in Vietnam for ten years, I feel a sense of emptiness as I have nothing left and no significant achievements.

• My mother is in a nursing home, and it pains me. How can I comfort my mother, who is alone in the nursing home?

• I feel that communication between people is decreasing, and society is becoming increasingly bleak. How can I wisely manage my heart in this environment?

• How can I overcome the occasional emptiness of life?

• My child, who is still in the lower grades, asks questions about why we are born, why we die, and the purpose of life. How should I respond?

• It has been 20 months since I sent my husband to the heavens. How can I overcome my longing for him and move forward?


By the time the discussions concluded, it was 10 PM. As he wrapped up the lecture, Sunim shared the news that the General Secretary of the Communist Party of Vietnam had passed away.

After a moment of silence, the lecture concluded.

Sunim took a commemorative photo with the volunteers who prepared the lecture and expressed his gratitude.

Sunim shook hands with the community members as he said his goodbyes and moved to his accommodation. Today was another long day.

Tomorrow, Sunim plans to visit Quan Su Temple, where the first office of the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Committee is located, to share Dharma talks with the monks in the morning. In the afternoon, he will visit Tay Thien Temple to share Dharma talks with the monks who are in retreat, and in the evening, he will head to Hanoi Airport to take a night flight back to Korea.