July 19, 2024, Hanoi, Vietnam, Day 1, Ban Phuc Temple, Dharma Q&A for Korean Residents
Hello. For the next two days, I will be visiting various temples in Hanoi, the heart of northern Vietnam, to share Dharma talks and hold a Dharma Q&A for the Korean residents.
Sunim departed from the accommodation at 6:40 AM after completing morning prayers and meditation, heading towards Ban Phuc Temple.
This visit to Hanoi follows an invitation from the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Committee, after a previous visit to Ho Chi Minh City. While the second office of the committee is located in Ho Chi Minh City, the first office is in Hanoi. During these two days, several temples will be visited, focusing on the first office.
Although Sunim left early to avoid traffic, he arrived 40 minutes earlier than expected. Upon arrival at the temple, lay practitioners stood on both sides, chanting beautifully.
Guided by the head monk, Sunim first enjoyed tea in the reception room while exchanging greetings. The head monk expressed deep gratitude for Sunim’s visit.
“Thank you so much for coming to our temple as soon as you returned to Vietnam.”
Sunim also expressed his gratitude.
“Thank you for allowing me to visit like this. I have had many opportunities to meet with the officials of the second office in Ho Chi Minh City, as I have visited several times. However, this is my first visit to the first office in Hanoi.”
“Sunim Thich Nhat Tu has sent many videos, so I have seen a lot of Sunim’s activities. I learned that many good things are being done globally. I respect the social practices for sentient beings and the many Dharma talks that are given. I have been to Seoul, and I had a very good impression. My experiences in Korea have greatly influenced the development of Buddhism in Vietnam.”
“I am concerned whether it is okay to visit suddenly like this. The monks must all have schedules.”
“It’s fine. Since it’s the retreat period, all the monks are gathered, making it a great time to have discussions together.”
After finishing the tea, Sunim led the group to the Dharma talk location following the traditional Vietnamese ceremony with bells and incense.
On the way, they paid respects at the main hall and circled the temple before heading to the auditorium. Upon arriving at the auditorium, around 100 monks and practitioners began chanting.
After the Buddhist ceremony, the head monk introduced Sunim to the attendees and explained the activities of Ban Phuc Temple, then requested a Dharma talk from him.
“There are about 3,000 temples, big and small, in Hanoi. Among them, 20 temples are where the monks gather for retreats, and Ban Phuc Temple is one of them. Sunim gathers here for three months each year to read scriptures, study, and practice. Today, we hope to learn from your experiences and know-how about the activities of the Jungto Society.”
Sunim then began his Dharma talk.
Wishing for active exchanges and cooperation between Korean and Vietnamese Buddhism
“Currently, there is a lot of exchange and cooperation between Korea and Vietnam. About 200,000 Koreans live in Vietnam, and around 300,000 Vietnamese live in Korea. About 100,000 came to Korea through marriage, another 100,000 for work, and about 100,000 for study. Excluding those of Chinese descent, this is the second largest foreign population living in Korea. This indicates that Korea and Vietnam are currently engaging in significant exchanges and cooperation. However, compared to economic or tourism cooperation, the exchanges in Buddhism are still limited. I hope for more exchanges and cooperation between Korean Buddhism and Vietnamese Buddhism, which is why I am visiting.
Last March, I was invited by the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Committee to visit Ho Chi Minh City. I visited several temples, had discussions with the monks, and also greeted the chairman of the Sangha Committee. I invited them all to Korea, and in October last year, the chairman and vice-chairman of the Sangha Committee visited Korea. During that time, we promised to enhance Buddhist exchanges and to help the people of both Vietnam and Korea.”
“I also visited Ho Chi Minh City twice this year in March and June to have discussions and exchanges with the monks. The Sangha Committee mentioned that since there is also a first office in Hanoi, it would be good to have discussions here as well. I have visited Hanoi several times to give lectures, as there are many Koreans here, but I have never visited a Vietnamese temple before. So today is my first visit to a temple in Hanoi. I hope to visit often in the future and invite many monks to Korea for exchanges.”
Everyone applauded enthusiastically, looking forward to future exchanges.
Various methods and new attempts to convey Buddhism
“I am doing a bit of a new approach to spreading Buddhism in Korea. Most Buddhist practitioners in Korea think of going to the temple only to pray for blessings, believing that only monks should practice. However, I believe that everyone, including lay practitioners, should practice. Therefore, I guide everyone who becomes a member of the Jungto Society to practice for an hour every morning before going about their daily lives.
Moreover, while Christianity actively engages in missionary work, Buddhism often focuses solely on personal practice. However, I believe it is crucial to share the Buddha’s good teachings with many people, so I place great importance on spreading the Dharma. I also think that Buddhism should not be confined to temples but should engage in various social service activities that society needs. Therefore, I am involved in many charitable activities to help the poor, not only in Korea but also in Southeast Asia, South Asia, and throughout Asia.
As you all know, Korea is divided. There is always the risk of war. Therefore, I am also involved in peace movements to promote peaceful coexistence between South and North Korea. I engage in humanitarian support activities to help the needy in North Korea, transcending ideologies.
Currently, the biggest issue on Earth is the climate crisis. Therefore, we are promoting a movement to live simply with the motto ‘Eat less, wear less, and use less.’ Nowadays, people often think that using more is synonymous with living well. If this continues, our descendants will face an environmental crisis that makes survival increasingly difficult. The resources of this world do not belong solely to us; they are resources that our descendants will need to use for generations. We must conserve resources so that our descendants can survive. Thus, we are striving for a life that produces no waste and practicing various methods. We prepare less food so that we do not waste it, which is also healthier. Furthermore, during the feudal era, women faced significant discrimination compared to men. However, we must no longer allow gender discrimination or discrimination against the disabled, and we are actively involved in various social movements.
The Buddha’s teachings should apply to everyone
The Buddha’s teachings should not be limited to a few but should apply to all people, helping many live happily. Especially nowadays, young people are drifting away from religion. Therefore, I am also involved in activities that help resolve their struggles through conversations with them. Young people today find it difficult to attend gatherings. So, I connect with them online, allowing them to study the Dharma from wherever they are. I have opened all Buddhist college programs online. I guide them to turn a room in their home into a personal Dharma hall to practice diligently in their daily lives. There is no longer a need to create large spaces. In Korea, many people now live alone. Therefore, I am enabling them to meditate online from their homes. This is part of a movement to make their homes a place of practice. Additionally, I am incorporating various modern technologies to make it easier and more widespread to share the Buddha’s teachings. Moving away from doctrinal focus, I receive questions about the difficulties, struggles, and stresses people face in their lives, and we engage in discussions to help resolve those issues.
I am older than you and have been active for a long time, so I would like to share my experiences if they can help you in your Dharma work. If you encounter difficulties while studying Buddhism, practicing, or spreading the Dharma, let’s discuss whatever it may be.”
Questions were then taken. Anyone could raise their hand to ask Sunim questions. Five people asked various questions, and Sunim shared the experiences of Korean Buddhism and the Jungto Society, discussing how Vietnamese Buddhism can continue to develop.
As Vietnamese Buddhism may gradually see a decline in practitioners in the future, what preparations should be made?
“Currently, there is no problem, but in the future, Vietnamese Buddhism will see a decrease in monks and practitioners, just like in Korea. What preparations should we make now to prevent this?”
“I recently attended the inauguration ceremony of a girls’ dormitory at the Royal University of Cambodia. The interpreter was a priest. The priest mentioned that Vietnam has the highest number of people becoming priests in the world. This means that not only are there many monks in Vietnam, but there are also many priests. This is a phenomenon that arises as Vietnam develops. Twenty years ago in Korea, there were many people becoming monks and priests as well. However, in just twenty years, that number has drastically decreased. Therefore, the reason many people are becoming monks in Vietnam right now is not necessarily because Buddhism is doing well; it is a reflection of the overall societal changes. The same goes for the high number of priests.
When a country like Vietnam experiences rapid economic growth, it often leads to the construction of more temples, and the lives of the monks become more comfortable. This can result in neglecting the needs of the poor and focusing solely on investments in building temples. Consequently, temples become increasingly luxurious, and monks may become indulgent and wealthy. While this might seem good in the short term, it can lead to significant disasters in the long run. When monks live in luxury and drive nice cars, the public may not openly express their resistance, but internally, there will be strong feelings of discontent, especially among the youth. Older generations may think that everything should be given to monks, but the younger generation does not feel the same way.
Therefore, rather than building temples, I believe we should create outreach centers near industrial complexes or schools to begin spreading the Dharma from now on. This is a suggestion based on my experiences in Korea. I have made similar appeals to the Korean Buddhist community many times in my youth, but the Buddhist organizations ignored them. As a result, Korean Buddhism has lost its leadership within Korean society. Even in terms of the population that believes in religions, the number of Christians has significantly increased, especially among the social elite. Most politicians and administrative officials belong to either Catholicism or Protestantism.”
“Thank you.”
Questions continued to follow.
• Having visited Korea, I noticed that temples are mostly located in the mountains rather than in cities where many people live. What is the reason for this?
• You have visited Vietnam several times and met many Vietnamese people and monks; what feelings did you have?
• How can we address the issue of Vietnamese people converting to other religions after going abroad?
As the questions were being answered, an hour and a half passed quickly. There were more monks who wanted to ask questions, but due to the translation, not many could be addressed. After the Dharma talk, the head monk expressed his gratitude.
“Thank you very much for sharing your experiences with Korean Buddhism and the Jungto Society. Although it was a short time, we learned a lot. We request that you not only visit Hanoi this time but also come more often in the future.”
The Dharma talk concluded with loud applause. The head monk presented a gift as a token of appreciation.
Everyone took a commemorative photo and exited the auditorium.
The head monk led Sunim to the hall where the memorial was set up and shared information about his teacher.
They moved to another area to continue their conversation. Fresh fruits and tea grown directly at the temple were served. After further discussions, they rose from their seats.
Leaving Ban Phuc Temple, Sunim headed to a restaurant for lunch with the representatives of the Korean community in Hanoi.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, Sunim greeted the president of the Korean Association, Jang Eun-sook, along with the editor of the Korean Association magazine, the chairperson of the Democratic Peace Unification Advisory Council, and the president of the Real Estate Association.
Kim Dong-seop, the chairperson of the Democratic Peace Unification Advisory Council, mentioned he wanted to see 2,000 sets of sportswear. Sunim responded that he would check if it would be possible to donate clothing to Bhutan. It was also discussed that it would be great to share clothing-making techniques with Southeast Asian countries supported by JTS.
Due to various circumstances within Vietnam, the Dharma Q&A scheduled for Korean residents that evening was canceled and would instead be held online. Sunim expressed his gratitude to the president of the Korean Association for his efforts to facilitate the lecture despite the difficulties.
“I heard that the president of the Korean Association worked hard to make this lecture possible. Thank you.”
“It’s such a pity that we can’t hold the lecture.”
“Life rarely goes as we wish.”
“Thank you for taking it lightly.”
After finishing the meal, they took a commemorative photo together.
Due to Sunim’s ongoing health issues, he moved to a Jungto Society member’s house nearby to rest briefly before the evening lecture.
At 5 PM, Sunim headed to the office of the Korean Association in Hanoi. The association provided space for the live broadcast of the Friday Dharma Q&A, which required a good internet connection.
After setting up the broadcasting equipment, the live broadcast of the Friday Dharma Q&A began at 5:30 PM local time, which is 7:30 PM in Korea. Today, over 3,400 people joined the live broadcast, and Sunim began with his greeting.
“I am spending the last part of my month-long journey in Southeast Asia here in Hanoi, Vietnam. Last week, I visited Bhutan and distributed supplies to residents affected by floods in Assam, India. I will share a brief video of that activity before we continue our discussion.”
After watching the video together, Sunim began a conversation with those who had submitted questions in advance.
For an hour and a half, four people asked Sunim questions and engaged in discussions. After the conversation, Sunim encouraged the questioners.
“Every living being in this world is worthy of respect. All beings are equal. The feelings of inferiority and superiority arise because we constantly compare ourselves with others. If we compare height, the tallest would be the giraffe. If we compare who fights best, it would be the tiger. If we compare speed, the ostrich would be the fastest. In comparisons, every being in this world can be seen as superior or inferior. If we stop comparing, there is no superiority or inferiority among beings. Therefore, we should recognize our own conditions and pursue our lives within that context.
You are all the most precious beings in this world
Right now, if someone has no money and looks at a business operated by someone with 10 billion won, there is no need to say, ‘If I had 10 billion won, I could invest in such a large-scale business.’ If I cannot see, it is pointless to think, ‘If only I could see, I could do anything.’ If I cannot walk, it is not a choice for me to think, ‘If I could walk, I could go hiking.’ Even if I cannot walk, there are things I can do in a wheelchair, and even if I cannot see, there are things I can do with my hands. Even if I am short, there are things I can do, and even if I did not attend school, there are still things I can do. Even if I am old, there are things I can do. Everyone has their own unique abilities.
If someone in their seventies wants to work like a young person, they may feel inferior due to their age and see themselves as an inferior being. Older individuals have rich experiences. Therefore, they should seek out opportunities where their experience can be an advantage. When they do so, they will come to appreciate their existence and feel self-esteem.
Do not live by constantly looking at others. Frogs should live as frogs, snakes as snakes, and grasshoppers as grasshoppers. Everyone should live according to their own existence to realize the preciousness of their own being. You are all precious beings. The Buddha said, ‘All living beings in this world are Buddhas.’ Therefore, I hope you all recognize that you are precious beings and do not treat yourselves carelessly. Thoughts like ‘My husband has died, so I will die too,’ or ‘I am a useless being’ are signs of mental illness. I hope you value yourselves and live a life free from suffering and full of freedom.”
After concluding the live broadcast, Sunim moved to the meeting room of the Korean Association next door to hold a Dharma Q&A session for the Korean residents.
Originally, a large-scale lecture was planned at the Hanoi Korean International School, expecting many residents to attend, but due to circumstances in Vietnam, the lecture could not be held. Although the lecture had to be canceled, a small gathering was possible, so only those who had submitted questions were invited to the Korean Association meeting room for discussions, which would be streamed live on YouTube.
Over 770 people had registered in advance, connecting on YouTube, while about 60 people were present in the Korean Association meeting room. The Dharma Q&A began at 7:30 PM. Sunim first greeted everyone with a smile.
“Dear Korean residents in Hanoi, I wanted to meet you all in person, see your faces, and have conversations, but due to some circumstances, I am seeing you through this video. Only a few people are present here, centered around those who submitted questions.
First of all, I sincerely apologize for not being able to proceed as planned. Life does not always go as we wish. Sometimes, loved ones pass away suddenly, or we lose our possessions unexpectedly. Compared to those situations, not being able to give a lecture today is not a big issue. In fact, it might be more comfortable to listen to the lecture at home, right? You can stretch your legs and enjoy snacks while listening. (Laughter)
When you only stay in Korea, you tend to have many complaints about it. But after traveling to many countries, do you think Korea is a good country or not?”
“It is a good country.”
“Not just a good country, but a country that many people dream of. Even children in Bhutan know about Korea. A person who runs a school in a slum in Dhaka, Bangladesh, recently won the Magsaysay Award. I visited that school the other day, and even first graders knew about Korea. Some children said they had watched Korean dramas, and others said they liked BTS and Blackpink. Even children in the slums of Bangladesh knew things I didn’t. Currently, South Korea has a great reputation in Southeast Asia. When I was in Ho Chi Minh City, even the monks were taking photos and saying ‘Kimchi.’ Korea has become a country that many people admire.
The Sadness of Helping People Around the World
Despite this, we still have not resolved the conflict between South and North Korea, and we live in a situation where tensions are heightened, with the risk of war looming. Moreover, our fellow countrymen in the North are suffering from various economic hardships. Until before the pandemic, even with the conflict between the two Koreas, we could continue to help the residents of North Korea, assist refugees, and help them settle in Korea. However, currently, all activities have come to a halt. China has strict border surveillance, and within North Korea, external goods are absolutely prohibited, so we cannot provide any support, and it is also difficult to assist refugees. Therefore, every time I go to help in other countries, I feel a sense of sadness because I am helping people far away while being unable to assist our own compatriots nearby. However, we must accept that worldly affairs do not always go as we wish.”
The attendees then engaged in conversations with Sunim. Over two hours, seven people asked questions. One person sought advice on how to choose between helping others and the pain it causes their parents, expressing that the more they help others, the more they seem to drive a nail into their parents’ hearts.
The more I help others, the more I hurt my parents.
“I have been in Vietnam for three years now, and I find myself often alone without friends, which has led me to reflect on how to live. At one point, I realized that I was living like a very well-fed pig. However, after engaging in many volunteer activities in Vietnam, I felt a strong desire to live an altruistic life. This desire has grown stronger, and now I want to dedicate my entire life to helping others. I have submitted my resignation at work and will be finishing next week. I think starting a small charity will bring me joy and fulfillment. After nearly eight years in the workforce, I am now stepping out into the unknown, which is quite frightening, so I have burned my bridges. I have left only the minimum amount of money I need to help others and have given everything else to those in need. However, my parents are having a hard time with this. My mother is starting to understand, but my father seems to be struggling. As the eldest son, I am still single, and I think he worries about what I will do in the future since I am not married and have no children. He has cried in front of me for the first time, and now we haven’t been in contact for about three months. The more I help others, the more I feel like I am driving a nail into my father’s heart. This is very distressing for me. What choice should I make?”
The questioner asked with tears, expressing concern for his father’s feelings. Sunim responded.
“It would be best to return to a more conventional life as your father wishes. With that mindset, it will be difficult to sustain your altruistic activities for long. I entered the temple at the age of 17. Would it be more painful for parents to have their son enter the temple, or for them to see their son living alone and wanting to volunteer?
Usually, when a son enters a temple, the mother comes to the temple and says, ‘Do you want to see me die? If you don’t come out of the temple now, I will take medication and die,’ or she says, ‘How can you save all sentient beings when you cannot even alleviate your parents’ suffering?’ This is something the Buddha also experienced. When the Buddha wanted to leave home, his parents strongly opposed it. Ultimately, he married and had a child before leaving home. From a worldly perspective, he was the next in line to inherit the throne, yet he abandoned his country. If her husband had died, the wife could at least remarry, but because he became a practitioner while living, the wife found it difficult to remarry. From the perspective of the Buddha’s son, it was as if the father left after having given birth to him. In terms of human ethics, the Buddha could be seen as extremely unfilial. Yet, why do we consider the Buddha to be great?
The passing of a parent is an event in the life of a saintly parent. Walking my own path is my life. If a child must always obey their parents, then they are merely slaves to their parents, not free individuals. Whether it is a king’s slave, a master’s slave, or a parent’s slave, being a slave is the same. If one cannot decide their own life, they are all slaves. The questioner seems to think they have made a significant resolution, but I see a lack of clarity in their ownership of their life. Therefore, I suggested returning from the start.
The questioner should not steal their father’s property, remove household items, or bring shame to their father. However, they are not hitting their parents, taking others’ belongings, committing sexual assault, defrauding, cursing, drinking, or causing trouble. They are simply pursuing their own life, so what is the problem? There is no reason to think that if someone opposes the path I choose, I have committed a ‘crime.’ If a woman were to pursue Sunim for marriage, saying, ‘You cannot even save one woman; how can you save all sentient beings?’ should I marry her? The questioner is currently holding absurd thoughts. They are making excuses for their situation.
The thought of wanting to serve others is not necessarily a good thought. The idea of serving others implies sacrificing oneself for others, but when a person sacrifices, they tend to want others to recognize that sacrifice. If no one acknowledges what I have done, I may later feel empty and regret, thinking, ‘Did I do something foolish?’
If I have 1 million won, I can enjoy a delicious meal at a restaurant, drink good alcohol at a bar, and have fun with friends. The satisfaction I gain from fulfilling my desires is what we call ‘pleasure.’ However, it may be more fulfilling to share food with 100 hungry people. It might also be more rewarding to buy clothes for 100 people without clothes than to purchase one expensive outfit for myself. There are two types of happiness for humans.
However, the pleasure derived from satisfying desires is often fleeting. One may later regret it or feel empty. Yet, the feeling of fulfillment lasts longer over time. Will I choose to satisfy my desires or live a fulfilling life? This is a matter of personal choice.
However, the latter path requires that one not be swayed by others’ opinions. If one chooses to serve others, they will inevitably face feelings of betrayal or regret later on. That is why it is risky.
The Buddha’s teachings emphasize, first, to pursue actions that benefit others rather than seeking personal gain. Second, that this is the path for oneself. By adopting this perspective, one will not suffer later. In the Diamond Sutra, this is referred to as ‘non-attachment giving.’ If someone next to you is thirsty, giving them a bowl of water without expecting anything in return is an example of this. By doing so, one will avoid future suffering. People usually expect something in return when helping others. While they may not expect money, they often seek praise or recognition. If such rewards do not come, they will inevitably feel betrayed or regretful. Therefore, if one chooses to help others, they must let go of the thought that they are doing it for others. They should have the perspective of ‘How do I want to live my life? I find this way of living fulfilling.’
I primarily travel by low-cost airlines and book simple accommodations, which leads people to say I am either admirable or stingy. However, when I engage in relief activities in impoverished areas, I am not overly concerned about those evaluations. There, even $10 can support children, and $100 can help many people. By purchasing a low-cost ticket that requires an additional layover, I can save 300,000 won compared to a direct flight. Whether I arrive early and rest or take a break at the airport is essentially the same. By saving that money, I can help a few more impoverished children, so why wouldn’t I? The same goes for accommodations. Whether I stay at a $100 place or a $10 place, the difference is negligible by the end of the day. A year later, how important is it to have stayed in a nice place? It is not important at all. The meal I have today, whether it is bulgogi or ramen, may matter now, but a year later, I will likely not even remember what I ate today. After experiencing this several times, one can understand what is truly important in life. By living frugally, I can help more people and bring changes to their lives.
That is why I live this way. It is not that I live this way for the sake of poor children; rather, I find it more beneficial for myself to help them. Without this perspective, one may fall into self-contradiction. Some religious people may preach to help the poor and use the example of the Buddha, who slept under a tree, to teach others. However, if those people are known to live in good houses or possess wealth, people will criticize them. I, on the other hand, feel pity for them. They are caught in self-contradiction, and they must be suffering greatly. Moreover, they live in constant fear of being exposed to others.
You all like to wear expensive, nice clothes, right? But if you wear such clothes, can you sit anywhere on the street when your legs hurt? You cannot because you are worried about damaging your clothes. Therefore, it is better to wear something appropriate. If you take public transportation or drive a reasonable car, you can stop anywhere to grab a bite when you’re hungry. However, if you drive an expensive car, it becomes difficult to park anywhere and buy street food when you are hungry. You must maintain your dignity, so you cannot do that. Thus, it is not necessarily good to wear expensive clothes or drive expensive cars; it can actually make your life more inconvenient.
Why should we live in bondage, and why should we care about others’ opinions? This understanding must be established to live comfortably while serving others. Otherwise, there is a high chance of regret in the future. The questioner expressed concern that their father was heartbroken, but with such feelings, it will be difficult to live a life dedicated to helping others. That is why I suggested returning. If you wish to help others, at the very least, you must have the perspective that ‘this way of living is good for me.’
During the time of the Buddha, there was a country called Benares. In Benares, there was a wealthy family with a son named Yasa, who could be compared to a conglomerate today. Yasa, the only son of that wealthy family, met the Buddha and decided to leave home. His father, worried about his son, searched for him and eventually learned that Yasa had left home. Concerned, Yasa’s father went to find him and said,
‘Many young people in this world leave home, but you must not. How can someone like you, who has grown up in luxury, survive in the wilds filled with poisonous insects and beasts? Your mother is crying for you. Let us return home.’
Yasa replied,
‘Father, look at my face. Do I not look more comfortable now than when I was indulging in pleasures at home?’
At that moment, Yasa’s father realized that his son looked much clearer and brighter than before. Yasa then continued,
‘Why should I return to that painful place when I have this good opportunity?’
Yasa’s father had no more words to say. Ultimately, Yasa’s father, persuaded by his son, listened to the Buddha’s teachings and gained enlightenment. Although he did not leave home, he lived as a lay practitioner for the rest of his life.
During the time of the Buddha, the Sakya clan lived in Kapilavastu, a small kingdom ruled by the Sakya family. The Buddha’s father was the king of that kingdom, and the Buddha was to be the next king. However, when the Buddha left home, his father, King Suddhodana, lived in constant worry. One day, he heard that his son had attained enlightenment and had become a great teacher. Furthermore, upon returning to his hometown, many people attained enlightenment through his teachings. Even the servants in the royal palace attained enlightenment, yet King Suddhodana did not. Many were puzzled by this. The most respected person in Kapilavastu was King Suddhodana, and they thought that such a king would easily attain enlightenment upon hearing the Buddha’s words. However, despite many attaining enlightenment, the king could not.
One day, a disciple asked the Buddha, ‘Why does King Suddhodana not attain enlightenment even after listening to the Dharma?’
The Buddha smiled and replied, ‘King Suddhodana has a son but no Buddha.’
The scriptures depict King Suddhodana as being solely concerned about his son.
He worried about what the Buddha ate, what clothes he wore, and where he slept. He was only worried about these matters. In this way, the Buddha was merely seen as a son to King Suddhodana. He never paid attention to the Buddha’s teachings. How could someone like King Suddhodana attain enlightenment?
Parents can be a good protective shelter for their children when they are young. However, as they grow into adults, parents often become significant obstacles to their future. In the cold winter, putting ten logs in the fire is love, but in the hot summer, not lighting a fire is love. If you light ten logs in the summer, it becomes unbearably hot. We often overprotect our children, causing them distress. When children are young, they should be cared for warmly, but as they grow up and enter adolescence, parents should observe them quietly. They should allow them to experience trial and error and accumulate experiences. They should let them date and learn from regrets, so they develop independence as adults. If parents block these opportunities, children will end up knowing nothing on their own. Nowadays, some parents go so far as to arrange marriages, find homes, and secure jobs for their children. When grandchildren are born, they care for them as well. They reap the consequences of raising their children this way until they die.
In this regard, the questioner’s parents seem to view the questioner as a child. They are worried about their child. If the questioner had shown their parents that they are capable and mature in their actions and work, they would not have reacted this way. However, because they do not find the questioner reliable, they keep expressing such concerns. If the questioner had cleaned the house when visiting their parents, comforted them, and shown care in various ways, they would have felt reassured, thinking, ‘Now my child can take care of themselves.’ However, the questioner has not demonstrated that reliability, which is why their parents continue to express such concerns.
That said, there is no need to blame the parents, nor is there a need to feel bound by their words. The questioner can simply acknowledge, ‘My parents may think this way. I understand, Father,’ and live their own life. If the questioner continually thinks, ‘Am I being unfilial because my parents say so?’ it indicates they have not yet matured into adulthood.”
“Thank you. I understand well.”
Questions continued to follow.
• Having lived in Vietnam for ten years, I feel a sense of emptiness as I have nothing left and no significant achievements.
• My mother is in a nursing home, and it pains me. How can I comfort my mother, who is alone in the nursing home?
• I feel that communication between people is decreasing, and society is becoming increasingly bleak. How can I wisely manage my heart in this environment?
• How can I overcome the occasional emptiness of life?
• My child, who is still in the lower grades, asks questions about why we are born, why we die, and the purpose of life. How should I respond?
• It has been 20 months since I sent my husband to the heavens. How can I overcome my longing for him and move forward?
By the time the discussions concluded, it was 10 PM. As he wrapped up the lecture, Sunim shared the news that the General Secretary of the Communist Party of Vietnam had passed away.
“Before we start the Dharma Q&A, I have heard that the highest leader of Vietnam, the General Secretary, has passed away. Since you all live here in Vietnam, let’s take a moment to bow our heads in silence to pray for the deceased. Silence.”
After a moment of silence, the lecture concluded.
Sunim took a commemorative photo with the volunteers who prepared the lecture and expressed his gratitude.
“Thank you.”
Sunim shook hands with the community members as he said his goodbyes and moved to his accommodation. Today was another long day.
Tomorrow, Sunim plans to visit Quan Su Temple, where the first office of the Vietnam Buddhist Sangha Committee is located, to share Dharma talks with the monks in the morning. In the afternoon, he will visit Tay Thien Temple to share Dharma talks with the monks who are in retreat, and in the evening, he will head to Hanoi Airport to take a night flight back to Korea.